It's "islamic facts", not "jokes about islam", because all these declarations or stories about Muhammad, Satan, etc. are really and truly written in the classical islamic texts (Quran, hadiths sahih, sira) They are whether from God himself or from the prophet Muhamad himself or from wives or companions of Muhamad !
They are fully accepted by fundamentalist and litteralist muslims (wahhabites, salafists, etc.) but these facts are of course not taught first. Otherwise, there wouldn't be as much radicalisation. No one mentally healthy could accept all these insanities. You must first have a radical and solid faith based on fear of God and hatred of the nonbelievers and only then you can easily be led to think, feel and do all that
Radical and litteral islam is the path that leads to terrorist jihad.
Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your colleagues, tell your neighbours, form a radical and solid human chain against radical islamisation that leads to genocides, deportations, non-muslim slavery, sexual slavery, domestic and political violence on girls and women and totalitarian theocratic chariatic states.
No islam at all or, if you are of muslim culture, moderate and alleged islam, is far better for physic and mental health, happiness, creativity, prosperity, tolerance and love.
"Fun Islamic Facts: 1. Muhammad Peed Like a Girl"
Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
Jami at-Tirmidhi, Number 12:
Aishah said: “Whoever narrated to you that the Prophet would urinate while standing; then don't believe him. He would not urinate except while squatting.”
Sunan an-Nasai, Number 29:
It was narrated that Aishah said: “Whoever tells you that the Messenger of Allah urinated standing up, do not believe him, for he would not urinate except while squatting.”
So, Muhammad peed like a girl.
And, because Surah 33, verse 21 of the Qur’an calls Muhammad the pattern of conduct for Muslims, Muslims from the time of Muhammad down to the present day pee while squatting. As we read in the follow-up commentary on Jami at-Tirmidhi, Number 12:
Umar said: “I have not urinated while standing since I accepted Islam.”
So, part of submitting to Allah is peeing like a girl.
Jihadis are laying down their lives for a god who makes them pee like girls.
Fun Islamic Facts 2: Peeing Your Way to Hell (David Wood)
Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
In our last video, we learned that Muhammad peed while squatting. Even in Muslim sources, we read about people making fun of him for peeing like a girl.
In Sunan Abu Dawud, Number 22, for instance, two men see him peeing and say: “Look at him! He urinates as a woman urinates.”
Apparently, they didn’t realize how important proper urinating habits are in Islam. According to Muhammad, not urinating properly is a one-way ticket to hell.
Sunan Ibn Majah, Number 347:
It was narrated that Ibn Abbas said: “The Messenger of Allah passed by two new graves, and he said: ‘They are being punished, but they are not being punished for anything major. One of them was heedless about preventing urine from getting on his clothes, and the other used to walk about spreading malicious gossip.’”
So, the man was in hell for not squatting to pee.
But it gets worse, because Muhammad declared that most of the punishment of hell is the result of urinating improperly.
Sunan Ibn Majah, Number 348:
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Most of the torment of the grave is because of urine.’”
To all of you Muslims who are watching (and I know you’re watching), do you really believe that people go to hell for not peeing the way Muhammad peed? Do you really believe that most of the punishment of hell is for not peeing the way Muhammad peed? If you don’t (and I know you don’t), shouldn’t it be obvious that Muhammad used threats of punishment in hell to get people to do what he wanted, and even to stop making fun of him for the way he peed?
If Muhammad was the sort of man who would make up stories about people burning in hell for peeing the wrong way, just to get people to stop saying that he peed like a girl, is this really the sort of man you can trust to tell you the truth about God and salvation?
Fun Islamic Facts 3: Satan Pees in Your Ears (David Wood)
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Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
In our last installment, we found Muhammad threatening his followers with hell if they didn’t pee properly. Muhammad’s obsession with urine continues as he attempts to give one of his amazing scientific explanations for why people oversleep.
Sahih al-Bukhari 1144:
Narrated Abdullah: A man was mentioned before the Prophet and he was told that he kept on sleeping till morning and did not get up for As-Salat (i.e., the Fajr prayer—the dawn prayer). The Prophet said, “Satan urinated in his ears.”
So, when a Muslim sleeps through his prayer, it’s not because he’s tired, or lazy, or doesn’t really care about Islam; it’s because the devil took a whiz in his ears.
Leave it to the prophet of Islam to bring Satan’s whiz into a discussion about prayer and self-discipline.
To all of you Muslims who are watching and find the sound of urine revolting, now you know how we feel . . . whenever we read about your prophet.
Fun Islamic Facts 4: Drinking Camel Urine (David Wood)
There's been a bombing at a hotel in Kabul, Afghanistan. So, it's time for another fun Islamic fact.
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So far, we’ve seen that Muhammad squatted to pee, that he threatened his followers with hell if they didn’t squat to pee, and that he warned his followers about Satan peeing in their ears.
Muhammad’s obsession with pee continues as we turn to his solution for stomach aches.
Sunan an-Nasai, Number 307:
It was narrated from Anas binMalik that some Bedouins from Urainah came to the Prophet and became Muslim, but the climate of Al-Madinah did not suit them; their skin turned yellow and their stomachs became swollen.The Messenger of Allah sent them to some pregnant camels of hisand told them to drink their milk and urine until they recovered. Then they killed the camel-herder and drove the camels away. The Messenger of Allah sent people after them, and they were brought back. Their hands and feet were cut off and their eyes were smolderedwith burning nails. The Commanderof the Believers, Abdul-Malik, said to Anas—when he was narrating this Hadith to him—“(Were they being punished) for Kufr or for a sin?” He said: “For Kufr.”
Here are three takeaways.
First, Muhammad’s solution to sickness was drinking camel urine. Why don’t doctors today recommend camel urine for stomach problems? Because camel urine doesn’t help with stomach problems, though this doesn’t stop Muslim merchants from selling camel urine as a cure. One merchant even got caught selling bottles of his own urine as camel urine. Think about how much urine has been consumed by the Muslim community over the centuries because of Muhammad.
Second, Islam’s most trusted sources claim that the Muslims who drank the camel urine left Islam, scattered Muhammad’s camels, and killed his camel-herder—AFTER the camel urine cured them. But is this really believable? Why would they leave Islam and become enraged AFTER following Muhammad’s advice and being cured? Isn’t it far more likely that they drank the camel urine, became even more sick, realized that Muhammad was a false prophet who made them drink camel urine, and scattered Muhammad’s camels in a fit of rage?
Third, Muhammad had his followers chop the men’s hands and feet off and burn out their eyes with hot nails. The men were then left in the heat to die and were refused water. One of them was biting at the ground out of thirst. Muslims often claim that these apostates were tortured, mutilated, and left to die because of what they had done to Muhammad’s camel-herder. But Anas, who narrated the story, was specifically asked whether they were tortured, mutilated, and left to die because of some sin, or because of kufr (their return to unbelief). Anas said that they were tortured, mutilated, and left to die for kufr—unbelief.
Welcome to Islam—the religion that tells you to drink camel urine, then, when you get even sicker and decide to leave, chops off your hands and your feet, burns out your eyes with hot nails, and leaves you to die as you bite the ground from thirst.
Fun Islamic Facts 5: Muhammad Was a Metrosexual (David Wood)
As we learned in Fun Islamic Facts 1, Muhammad peed while squatting. Not surprisingly, he also plucked his armpit hair and shaved his groin.
Sahih Muslim 597—It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet said: “The Fitrah is five things”—or “five things are part of the Fitrah”—“Circumcision, shaving the pubes, clipping the nails, plucking the armpit hairs, and trimming the moustache.”
So, Muhammad not only tweezed his armpit hair and shaved his pubes, he demanded that his followers do so as part of fitrah.
Muhammad even gave his followers a schedule for tweezing their armpits and shaving their pubes.
Sahih Muslim 599—It was narrated that Anas bin Malik said: “A time limit was set for us for trimming the moustache, clipping the nails, plucking the armpit hairs and shaving the pubes: that was not to be left for more than forty days.”
Muhammad, it seems, was a metrosexual.
For you Muslims who are wondering if you really need to pluck your armpits and shave your pubes in the modern world when waxing is available, this issue was brought before a Sharia council. Here’s the ruling.
"With regard to using wax instead of plucking, this is permissible, The Standing Committee was asked: is it permissible for a man to use wax to remove hair such as armpit and pubic hair? They replied: Yes, it is permissible to use that to remove armpit and pubic hair."
So, Gentlemen, if you like to pee while squatting and to go to the spa to get your armpits and groin waxed, if you want a beard on top but not on bottom . . . have I got a religion for you.
Fun Islamic Facts 6: Satan Hides in Your Nose (David Wood)
Sahih al-Bukhari 3295: Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet said, “If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night.”
Muslim commentators are careful to note that Muslims must really believe that Satan stays in their noses at night, because they have to believe what Muhammad said.
Even the commentator for this edition of Sahih al-Bukhari declares:
We should believe that Satan actually stays in the upper part of one's nose, though we cannot perceive how, for this is related to the unseen world of which we know nothing, except what Allah tells us through His Messenger.
Notice that Satan not only stays in your nose at night; he can also be flushed out with water. So Satan is physical or can at least be pushed around by physical substances.
But there’s a problem. There are billions of noses in the world. The only way Satan could be physically present in billions of noses is for Satan to be omnipresent. Omnipresence, however, is one of God’s attributes.
Hence, according to Muhammad, Satan is either God, or he shares at least one of the attributes that are supposedly unique to God. And Muslims have to believe that Satan shares God’s attributes, because they have to believe what Muhammad said about the unseen world. By claiming that Satan has God’s attributes, Muhammad committed shirk—the worst possible sin in Islam. And by believing what Muhammad said, Muslims also commit shirk.
So, Muslims are following a mushrik and have become mushrikun.
Fun Islamic Facts 7: Satan Farts When He Hears the Call to Prayer (David Wood)
Fortunately for us, Muhammad’s followers wondered the same thing. And the prophet of Islam had the answer.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 1231—Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah’s Messenger said, “When the call for Salat (prayer) is made, Satan takes to his heels passing wind so that he may not hear the Adhan.”
Sunan an-Nasai, Number 671—It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet said: “When the call for the prayer is given, the Shaitan takes to his heels, passing wind loudly so that he will not hear the call to prayer. When the call to prayer is finished, he comes back.
Muslim commentators are careful to point out that Satan literally farts when he hears the call to prayer.
As the commentator for this edition of Sunan an-Nasai notes:
“Breaking wind evidently signifies the literal breaking of wind. If Satan can eat and drink, then why deny other bodily functions? Some have understood the said phrase to mean abhorrence, but this interpretation is without evidence.”
According to Muslim preachers, one of the virtues of Islam is its simplicity. And it’s difficult to argue with their claim that Islam is simple, since, with all the talk of Satan peeing in your ears and farting and hiding in your nose, Islam sounds like it was invented by a five year old.
Fun Islamic Facts 8: Muhammad Was a Sex Addict (David Wood)
Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 5068:
Narrated Anas: The Prophet used to go round (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and he had nine wives.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 5215:
Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet used to pass by (have sexual relation with) all his wives in one night, and at that time he had nine wives.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 268:
Narrated Qatada: Anas bin Malik said, “The Prophet used to visit all his wives in a round, during the day and night and they were eleven in number.” I asked Anas, “Had the Prophet the strength for it?” Anas replied, “We used to say that the Prophet was given the strength of thirty (men).” And Sa’id said on the authority of Qatada that Anas had told him about nine wives only (not eleven).
Notice three things about these passages.
First, Muhammad had at least nine wives at one time, even though Surah 4, verse 3 of the Qur’an limits Muslim men to four wives. If the Qur’an limits men to four wives, why did Muhammad have at least nine wives at one time? Well, Muhammad received a special revelation (Surah 33, verse 50 of the Qur’an), giving him, and him alone, the right to break the four-wife limit. How convenient.
Second, Muhammad would have sex with at least nine women and girls in one day, even though he was more than 50 years old. Today, we would call him a “sex addict.” Isn’t it interesting that a sex addict who claimed to be a prophet conveniently received a revelation giving him more sexual partners than anyone else?
Third, how did Muhammad’s followers know that he was having sex with all of his wives in one day? How did they know he wasn't simply chatting with his wives? It seems that the prophet of Islam must have been bragging about all the sex he was having, so much so that his followers could in turn brag about him having the sexual strength of thirty men.
Our Muslim friends tell us that Islam is a religion of modesty. A closer look shows that Islam is a religion whose supreme role model was a sex addict who built a religion around his sexual desires and constantly bragged about his sexual exploits with women, a prepubescent girl, and his slave-girls. So much for modesty.
Fun Islamic Facts 9: Muhammad's Fly-Wing Medicine (David Wood)
According to the Department of Entomology at Penn State University:
House flies are not the neatest of insects. They visit such places as dumps, sewers, and garbage heaps. They feed on fecal matter, discharges from wounds and sores, sputum, and all sorts of moist decaying matter such as spoiled fish, eggs and meat.
The pest-control experts at Orkin add:
House flies are recognized as carriers of easily communicable diseases. Flies collect pathogens on their legs and mouths when females lay eggs on decomposing organic matter such as feces, garbage and animal corpses.
House flies carry diseases on their legs and the small hairs that cover their bodies. It takes only a matter of seconds for them to transfer these pathogens to food or touched surfaces. Mature house flies also use saliva to liquefy solid food before feeding on it. During this process, they transfer the pathogens first collected by landing on offal.
Diseases carried by house flies include typhoid, cholera and dysentery. Other diseases carried by house flies include salmonella, anthrax and tuberculosis. House flies have also been known to transmit the eggs of parasitic worms.
So, flies carry a variety of diseases on their legs and hairs, and they transfer these diseases rapidly.
The illiterate, seventh-century, Arabian caravan trader who declared himself to be a prophet, Muhammad, a different kind of exterminator, had a very different view of flies and disease.
Sahih al-Bukhari 3320:
Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet said, “If a housefly falls in the drink of anyone of you, he should dip it (in the drink), for one of its wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease.”
Sunan Abu Dawud 3844:
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: The Messenger of Allah said: “If a fly falls into the vessel of one of you then immerse it, for on one of its wings is a disease and on the other is a cure. When it falls, it falls onto the wing on which is a disease, so immerse it fully.”
Think about all of the mistakes in Muhammad’s brief science lesson. First, according to Muhammad, flies transfer diseases that are carried primarily on their wings. In reality, flies spread diseases that are primarily carried on their legs and hairs.
Second, according to Muhammad, the diseases that flies carry are only found on one of their wings. In reality, this is stupid. Germs clearly don’t know how to select one wing over the other.
Third, according to Muhammad, when a fly falls into your food or drink, it always lands on the wing that carries the disease. In reality, this is stupid, too. How in the name of probability would a fly always land on the diseased wing?
Fourth, according to Muhammad, the wing that doesn’t carry the disease carries the cure for the disease. In reality, this is extremely stupid. As we’ve seen, flies carry typhoid, cholera, dysentery, anthrax, salmonella, and tuberculosis. Do Muslims really believe that the cures for typhoid, cholera, dysentery, anthrax, salmonella, and tuberculosis are all found on whatever fly wing is sticking up when a fly crash-lands in their hummus? Have Muslim researchers at top universities discovered the cures for every disease carried by flies, simply by extracting the cures from the cure wing (when they’re not busy studying the health benefits of camel urine, of course).
Fifth, according to Muhammad, when a fly lands in your food or drink, you should dunk the fly to make sure you get all of the cure off its special healing wing. In reality, by dunking the fly, you’re exposing yourself to even more pathogens, which are transferred from the legs and hairs that you’re dunking in your food and drink.
Welcome to Islam, the religion that can help you catch typhoid, cholera, dysentery, anthrax, salmonella, and tuberculosis—if you take its prophet seriously.
Fun Islamic Facts 10: The Sun Sets in a Muddy Spring (David Wood)
Do you know where the sun goes when it sets? Allah tells us in Surah 18, verses 83-86 of the Qur’an, where Dhul-Qarnain, the Islamic name for either Alexander the Great or Cyrus the Great, takes a little trip to the edge of the world.
And they ask you about Dhul-Qarnain. Say: “I shall recite to you something of his story.” Verily, We established him in the earth, and We gave him the means of everything. So he followed a way. Until, when he reached the setting place of the sun, he found it setting in a spring of black muddy (or hot) water. And he found near it a people. We (Allah) said (by inspiration): “O Dhul-Qarnain! Either you punish them, or treat them with kindness.”
Notice all the scientific errors in verse 86. Allah says that there is a place where the sun sets. No, there isn’t. Allah says that Dhul-Qarnain reached it. No, he didn’t, because it doesn’t exist. Allah says that there are people who live there. These people must be imaginary, because, again, the place doesn’t exist. Allah says that the sun sets in a spring of muddy water. No, it doesn’t. If the sun is setting in a spring somewhere on the earth, the sun must be much smaller than the earth. No, it isn’t.
Muslims who are embarrassed by the sheer stupidity of this passage try to explain it away by insisting that the Qur’an is only saying that Dhul-Qarnain reached some sort of body of water and saw the sun’s reflection in the water. “Thus,” these embarrassed Muslims claim, “the passage is merely describing the way things appeared to Dhul-Qarnain.”
But that interpretation simply won’t work, for three reasons.
First, this story isn’t being told from Dhul-Qarnain’s perspective. It’s being told from Allah’s perspective. Allah says, “We established him,” “We gave him the means,” so Allah is the narrator of this story. And Allah declares that Dhul-Qarnain “reached the setting place of the sun,” that he “found it setting in a spring of black muddy (or hot) water,” and that he “found near it a people.” So unless Muslims are trying to convince us that Allah himself was confused about what Dhul-Qarnain found, they need to take Allah’s description seriously.
Second, the Qur’an claims repeatedly to be perfectly clear. If Allah wanted to say, “Even though Dhul-Qarnain thought he reached the setting-place of the sun, he was mistaken because he was only seeing a reflection in a pool,” there are perfectly good Arabic words to say that. But that’s not what Allah says in his perfectly clear Qur’an. Instead, Allah plainly states that Dhul-Qarnain “reached the setting place of the sun,” that he “found it setting in a spring of black muddy (or hot) water,” and that he “found near it a people.”
Third, according to Islamic doctrine, Muhammad is the greatest human interpreter of the Qur’an. And Muhammad tells us exactly where the sun goes when it sets. Sunan Abu Dawud 4002:
It was narrated that Abu Dharr said: “I was riding behind the Messenger of Allah while he was on a donkey, and the sun was setting. He said: ‘Do you know where this (sun) sets?’ I said: ‘Allah and His Messenger know best.’ He said: ‘It sets in a spring of warm water.’”
Since Muhammad says nothing about Dhul-Qarnain here, Muslims can’t assert that Muhammad was merely describing some sort of optical illusion that Dhul-Qarnain saw. This is Muhammad telling one of his companions where the sun goes when it sets. And according to Muhammad, the sun sets in a spring of water.
Hence, Muslims who try to reinterpret Surah 18, verse 86 of the Qur’an are telling us that Allah was confused about what Dhul-Qarnain saw, that the Qur’an is horribly unclear, and that modern Muslims understand the Qur’an better than Muhammad did. But in Islam, this would be blasphemy.
The only way to be a faithful Muslim, then, is to believe that, in spite of everything we know about our world and the universe, the sun actually sets in a muddy pool, and is therefore much smaller than the earth. Perhaps faithful Muslims can schedule a tour-bus, so that we can all visit the place where the sun sets and meet all the wonderful people who live there. They must have amazing tans.
Fun Islamic Facts 11: Muhammad's War on Dogs (David Wood)
For centuries, dogs have been described as “man’s best friend.” Not surprisingly, the prophet who commanded his followers to slaughter men also commanded them to slaughter man’s best friend. And it all began when Muhammad got stood up for a date, because of a puppy.
Sahih Muslim 5511—It was narrated that Aishah said: “Jibril promised to come to the Messenger of Allah at a certain hour, and that time came but he did not arrive. He (the Messenger) had a stick in his hand which he threw down and said: ‘Allah does not break His promise, and neither do His Messengers.’ Then he turned and saw a puppy beneath a bed. He said: ‘O Aishah, when did this dog get in here?’ She said: ‘By Allah, I do not know.’ He ordered that it be taken out, and Jibril came. The Messenger of Allah said: ‘You made an appointment with me and I waited for you but you did not come.’ He said: ‘I was prevented by the dog that was in your house. We do not enter a house in which there is a dog or an image.’”
So, the archangel Gabriel is petrified of puppies and pictures. After learning about Gabriel’s phobias, Muhammad could have simply been careful to check his house for puppies whenever Gabriel was coming over. But this is Muhammad we’re talking about. And it just wouldn’t be Muhammad without an epic bloodbath. So the canine carnage began.
Sahih Muslim 4016—It was narrated from Ibn Umar that the Messenger of Allah ordered that dogs be killed.
Sahih Muslim 4018—It was narrated that Abdullah bin Umar said: “The Messenger of Allah used to order that dogs be killed, and I went throughout Al-Madinah, and we did not spare any dog but we killed it, to such an extent that we would even kill the dog of a woman belonging to the desert people.”
But some of Muhammad’s followers complained, because they had dogs for hunting and for herding sheep. So Muhammad changed his mind:
Sahih Muslim 4021—It was narrated that Ibn al-Mughaffal said: “The Messenger of Allah enjoined the killing of dogs, then he said: ‘What is the problem with them and dogs?’ Then he granted a concession with regard to dogs for hunting and herding sheep.”
So, certain dogs were okay, as long as they were fetching your birds or herding your sheep. But some dogs were much worse. Some dogs are the devil.
Sahih Muslim 1137—It was narrated from Abdullah bin As-Samit, from Abu Dharr, who said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘When one of you stands to offer prayer, he will be screened if he has something in front of him that is like the back of a saddle. If he does not have something in front of him that is like the back of a saddle, then his prayer will be interrupted if a donkey, a woman, or a black dog passes in front of him.” I said: “O Abu Dharr! What is the difference between a black dog, and a red or yellow dog?” He said: “O son of my brother, I asked the Messenger of Allah the same question and he said: ‘The black dog is a devil.’”
More timeless wisdom about Satan from the prophet who said that Satan pees in your ears, hides in your nose, and farts when he hears the call to prayer.
Surah 21, verse 107 of the Qur’an declares that Allah sent Muhammad as a mercy to all creatures. But apparently, this doesn’t include dogs, and it certainly doesn’t include black dogs, because the color of a dog’s fur determines whether it’s the devil.
If you’re wondering why Muhammad said that black dogs are the devil, keep in mind he also said that Satan looks like a black man. For more on Muhammad’s view of blackness, be sure to watch: “Muhammad: The White Prophet with Black Slaves.”
Fun Islamic Facts 12: Muhammad Explains the Weather (David Wood)
Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
According to first-grade science textbooks around the world, the four seasons—spring, summer, fall, and winter—are caused by the earth orbiting the sun on a tilted axis. Different areas of the earth receive more sunlight at different times of year, and are hotter during those times. Areas that receive less sunlight are cooler.
But as we saw in Fun Fact 10, Allah and Muhammad informed us that the sun sets in a muddy pool, and is therefore much smaller than the earth. If the sun is much smaller than the earth and sets in a pool, it obviously can’t be the cause of changes in the weather.
So what does cause the heat of summer and the cold of winter? Fortunately for us, Muhammad has the answer. In Islam, hell isn’t just hot. There’s also a cold part of hell called “Zamhareer,” to torment people who don’t like cold. Summer and winter, according to Muhammad, are caused by the hot and cold parts of hell.
Sahih al-Bukhari 3260:
Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah’s Messenger said, “The (Hell) Fire complained to its Lord saying, ‘O my Lord! My different parts eat up each other.’ So, He allowed it to take two breaths, one in the winter and the other in summer, and this is the reason for the severe heat and the bitter cold you find (in weather).”
Thanks to Muhammad, we know that summer and winter aren’t caused by the earth orbiting the sun on a tilted axis (as scientists and anyone who’s had a first-grade education claim); instead summer and winter are caused by hell talking to Allah and telling him, “My cold and hot parts are interfering with each other, so you need to let each of them breathe once per year.” And Allah lets them breathe.
With amazing scientific insights like this, we can finally understand why the world’s most brilliant scientists all got their educations at Islamic schools.
By the way, I’m being sarcastic. Due to the influence of Muhammad and the Qur’an, no one goes to Islamic schools to learn science.
Fun Islamic Facts 13: Drinking Muhammad's Blood (David Wood)
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Here's the text of the video:
Do you like to drink human blood? I don’t mean wine or grape juice—I mean actual blood that’s oozing out of a human being? If so, have I got a religion for you.
In Qadi Iyad’s "Ash-Shifa," page 36, we read:
**There was also a time when Malik ibn Sinan drank his blood on the Day of Uhud and licked it up. The Prophet allowed him to do that and then said, “The Fire will not touch you.”**
So, Malik wouldn’t go to hell because he drank Muhammad’s blood. I guess any mosquitos or fleas or bedbugs that bit Muhammad are going to be in Paradise, since they drank his blood.
**Something similar occurred when Abdullah ibn az-Zubayr drank cupped blood. [This was blood drawn from Muhammad during the Islamic practice of cupping.] The Prophet said, “Woe to you from the people and woe to the people from you,” but he did not object to what he had done.**
The Islamic scholars at Islam Q&A give a number of additional accounts. For instance:
**Concerning this topic there is a mursal hadeeth that was narrated by Sa’eed ibn Mansoor via Umar ibn al-Saa'ib, who said that he heard that when the Prophet was wounded, Maalik the father of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, sucked the wound so as to clean it until there was no blood and the whiteness of his skin showed. It was said to him: Spit it out. He said: No, by Allaah, I will never spit it out. Then he went and fought. And the Prophet said: “Whoever wants to see one of the people of Paradise, let him look at this man.” Then he was martyred.**
Notice that, according to Muhammad, the people of Paradise are the people who are so obsessed with him that they want to drink his blood. But don’t let yet another clear case of idolizing Muhammad make us forget that Islam promotes pure reverence for Allah.
Those of you who study Islamic doctrine may be wondering how Muslim scholars can reconcile drinking Muhammad’s blood with Islamic dietary restrictions, which forbid drinking blood.
Fortunately, the scholars at Islam Q&A answer this for us.
**How can the scholars reconcile between what is stated about blood being naajis [impure] and the idea of Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr drinking the blood of the Prophet?
They said: This is one of the things that applied only to the Prophet, where the ruling applied only to him and not to the rest of his ummah.**
The response goes on to note that **“Some of the scholars stated that the blood of the Prophet was taahir (pure), based on the story of Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr.”**
So, whether you suck it from an open wound, drink it from a cup, or lick it off the ground, Muhammad’s miracle-magic prophet blood is the only blood for true Muslims.
Welcome to Islam, the religion that tells you that you can’t know where you’re going when you die unless you drink Muhammad’s blood or die while slaughtering unbelievers.
Fun Islamic Facts 14: Licking Muhammad's Fingers (David Wood)
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Here's the text of the video:
Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
In Fun Fact Number 9, we saw Muhammad commanding his followers to dunk flies into their food and drinks, even though we know that flies carry diseases such as typhoid, cholera, dysentery, anthrax, salmonella, and tuberculosis.
But the prophet who told his followers to dunk flies into their food and drinks also told them to lick each other’s fingers.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 5456:
Narrated Ibn Abbas: The Prophet said, “When you eat, do not wipe your hands till you have licked it, or had it licked by somebody else.”
Sahih Muslim 5294:
It was narrated that Ibn Abbas said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘When one of you eats some food, let him not wipe his hand until he has licked it, or had it licked.’”
Why did Muhammad want his followers to lick their fingers and to lick each other’s fingers? He tells us.
Sahih Muslim 5300:
It was narrated from Jabir that the Prophet enjoined licking one’s fingers and (wiping) the plate, and he said: “You do not know in which part the blessing is.”
So, Allah has hidden a blessing somewhere in your food, but since you don’t know where it’s hidden, you should lick your fingers or have someone else lick them, so that the blessing isn’t lost.
Muhammad goes on to say that, even if you drop your food on the floor, you should pick it up and eat it, so that Satan doesn’t eat what you dropped and steal your hidden blessing.
Sahih Muslim, Number 5303:
It was narrated that Jabir said: “I heard the Prophet say: ‘The Shaitan is present with any one of you in all his affairs, and he is even present with him when he eats. If one of you drops a morsel, let him remove any dirt on it, then eat it, and not leave it for the Shaitan. And when he has finished let him lick his fingers, for he does not know in which part of his food the blessing is.’”
Unfortunately for Muslims who actually believe what Muhammad says, the problem with food that falls on the floor isn’t simply the dirt—it’s the bacteria, which remain on the food even after the dirt is brushed away.
Likewise, sucking other people’s fingers will transfer any germs they’re carrying to your own body.
So, once again, the surest way to infect yourself with a disease and die is to follow Muhammad’s teachings.
Welcome to Islam—finger lickin’ dumb.
Fun Islamic Facts 15: Scrubbing Muhammad's Semen Stains (David Wood)
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Here's the text of the video:
In Fun Fact Number 8 ("Muhammad Was a Sex Addict"), we learned that Muhammad enjoyed having sex with all nine of his wives in one night. Not surprisingly, rushing from wife to wife during his sex marathons would leave Islam’s patron saint of sex addicts covered in semen.
Muhammad’s child-bride Aisha, who’s called “the mother of the faithful” in Islam, was honored with the never-ending task of scrubbing Muhammad’s semen off his clothes.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 232:
Narrated Aisha: “I used to wash the semen off the clothes of the Prophet and even then I used to notice one or more spots on them.”
Sahih Muslim, Number 669:
It was narrated that Aishah said concerning semen: “I used to scratch it from the garment of the Messenger of Allah.”
Sunan Ibn Majah, Number 537:
It was narrated that Aishah said: “I often scraped it (semen) from the garment of the Messenger of Allah with my hand.”
Aisha was especially careful to wash the semen off Muhammad’s clothes when he was heading to the mosque for prayer.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 230:
Narrated Sulaiman bin Yasar: “I asked Aishah about the clothes soiled with semen. She replied, ‘I used to wash it off the clothes of Allah’s Messenger and he would go for the Salat (prayer) while water spots were still visible.’”
So, when Muhammad’s followers saw wet spots on his clothes at the mosque, they knew that he’d gotten covered with semen during his nightly sexcapades with nine women and girls, and that his child-bride, the “Mother of the Faithful,” had carefully washed away the semen, so that he would be pure before Allah.
Welcome to Islam, the only religion whose followers are so obsessed with their prophet’s bodily fluids, that they just can’t stop sharing stories about his child-bride dedicating her life to scrubbing his semen stains.
To watch "Muhammad Was a Sex Addict," click this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWzJ_...
Fun Islamic Facts 16: Allah Explains Semen Production (David Wood)
In our last Fun Fact, we learned that Muhammad’s child-bride Aisha had to clean a never-ending supply of semen off her prophet’s clothes. But where does semen come from?
Does semen form when sperm mixes with fluids from the seminal vesicles, the prostate, and the Bulbourethral gland—as every physiologist on the planet claims? Or does semen really form in a completely different area of the body? Fortunately for us, Allah has the answer.
In Surah 86, verses 5 through 7, Allah declares:
“Now let man consider from what he is created. He is created from a gushing fluid, proceeding from between the backbone and the ribs.”
Notice that, contrary to every modern anatomy and physiology textbook, the gushing fluid, i.e. semen, proceeds from between the backbone and the ribs.
Interestingly, Islam also teaches that miniature human beings are contained in semen, and that these miniature human beings are responsible for what they hear in the semen.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 6557:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:The Prophet said, “Allah will say to the person who will have the minimum punishment in the (Hell) Fire on the Day of Resurrection, ‘If you had things equal to whatever is on the earth, would you ransom yourself (from the punishment) with it?’ He will reply, ‘Yes.’ Allah will say, ‘I asked you a much easier thing than this while you were in the backbone of Adam, (and that is) not to worship others besides Me, but you refused and insisted to worship others besides Me.’”
So, all of us were once contained in the semen in Adam’s backbone, and that’s where Allah told us not to worship others besides him. But we didn’t listen, probably because we hadn’t formed ears yet.
Welcome to Islam, the religion where the god who doesn’t understand basic physiology sends you to hell for not understanding his theology lecture when you were in Adam’s non-existent spinal semen.
Fun Islamic Facts 17: Muhammad's War on Lizards (David Wood)
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Welcome to “Fun Islamic Facts,” where I share fun facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an whenever jihadis go on a killing spree.
Do you like the adorable gecko from the Geico commercials? If so, you’re going to hell, because Muhammad hated lizards and ordered his followers to kill them.
Sunan Abu Dawud, Number 5262:
It was narrated from Amir bin Sa’d that his father said: “The Messenger of Allah enjoined killing geckos, and he called them noxious little creatures.”
Muhammad even said that Muslims will be rewarded in Paradise for killing geckos, with bonuses for efficiency.
Sunan Abu Dawud, Number 5263:
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Whoever kills a gecko with the first blow, he will have such and such of Hasanah (Hasanah here refers to good deeds for which you’ll be rewarded). Whoever kills it on the second blow, he will have such and such of Hasanah, less than the first. Whoever kills it on the third blow, he will have such and such of Hasanah, less than the second.’”
But geckos are fairly harmless creatures, and they help reduce the insect population, so we may be wondering why Muhammad would want them killed. Fortunately for us, the prophet of Islam explained his hatred for lizards.
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 3359:
Narrated Umm Sharik:Allah’s Messenger ordered that house-lizards should be killed and said, “It (i.e., the house-lizard) blew (the fire) on Ibrahim (i.e., Abraham).”
The commentator adds a note for clarification:
“When Abraham was thrown into the fire, it is said, all the animals tried to extinguish the fire except the house-lizard which blew it.”
So, when Abraham was thrown into the fire (which never happened), various animals gathered around and tried to put out the fire. But lizards conspired to kill Abraham by blowing on the fire and making it hotter. Hence, lizards are under a death sentence, to be carried out by Muslims.
As for you Muslims who don’t believe in killing lizards for their attempted execution of Abraham, keep in mind that the prophet who delivered this revelation about lizards is the same prophet who delivered the Qur’an.
For more on Muhammad and the Qur'an, watch these videos by David Wood:
"Who Killed Muhammad?":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6st_t...
"The Sheepgate Conspiracy":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0taTS...
"A Brief History of the Qur'an":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91AM7...
"Inside the Kaaba":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW6AZ...
En français :
Fun Islamic Facts n° 1 - Mohammed fait pipi comme une filleFun Islamic Facts n° 2 - Condamné à l'enfer pour de l'urine
Fun Islamic Facts n° 4 - Boire de l'urine de chameau
Fun Islamic Facts n° 5 - Mohammed était un métrosexuel
Fun Islamic Facts n° 6 - Satan se cache dans votre nez
Fun Islamic Facts n° 7 - Satan pète quand il entend l'Adhan
Fun Islamic Facts n° 8 - Mohammed était un addict sexuel
Fun Islamic Facts n° 9 - La médecine du prophète Mohammed grâce aux ailes de mouche
Fun Islamic Facts n°10 - Le soleil se couche dans une mare de boue
Fun Islamic Facts n°11 - Mohammed en guerre contre les chiens
Fun Islamic Facts n°12 - Mohammed explique les saisons
Fun Islamic Facts n°13 - Boire le sang du Prophète
Fun Islamic Facts n°14 - Lécher les doigts du Prophète
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